the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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