I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
