so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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