my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
