there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
