whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
