i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
