On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
