Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
