guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
