well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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