Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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