you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
