love makes seman taste better
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
