I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
