i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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