I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
