Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
