Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
