But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
