new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
