Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
