Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
