We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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