So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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