I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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