pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
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I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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