he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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