My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
