she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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