everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
