I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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