I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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