We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
