i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
