im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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