So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
