whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
