I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
