Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
