I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
