yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The uberlube is also flammable
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
