its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
