I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
