I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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