So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
