if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
