HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
