Just took my morning after pill in the library
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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