I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
