Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
