8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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