It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
