I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
