he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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