oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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