Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
