my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I would ride that face into the sunset
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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