You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
