I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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