I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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