You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
